You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
