What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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