i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
