So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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