I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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