whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
should my penis look like a turkey
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
