Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
