they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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