she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
