I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
