Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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