just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
