Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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