i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
