I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
