Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
