I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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