Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize