take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
