my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
