I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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