we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
