wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
