I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
