he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
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I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
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He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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