I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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