'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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