watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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