New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize