yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
