so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
