there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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