...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The best revenge is premature balding
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
