sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
