From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
