things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
