Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
