well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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