It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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