You smell like stripper and shame
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me