i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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