we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt