I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Dating After Heartbreak
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love