I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.