Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
