my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
