I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
