My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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