Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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