Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Houston, we have a squirter
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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