if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
