Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.