its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
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I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
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My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.