ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.