go do what you do best...puke behind churches
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Can vaginas get frostbite?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
