My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
