Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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