you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
