i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
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I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
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There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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