and you said cock pushups were impossible
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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