I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My first STD was from a foam party
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
