Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
