Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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