somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Non-Jews are for practice
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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