pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
