my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
