I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
