Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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