I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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