i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
