Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
